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Instead, treat other people the way they like being treated. You make a stellar impression by focusing on their likes, not yours.


2nd Technique: Use the Other Person’s Interpersonal Style

People interact using four interpersonal styles, as follows:

1. Results-Focused: “Quickly tell me the time, not how to build a clock!!”

2. Detail-Focused: “Slowly tell me how to build a clock, slowly leading up to what time it is.”

3. Friendly-Focused: “First, I’ll tell you about my family and weekend. Then, let’s discuss yours. Then, let’s gossip. Then, let’s discuss work.”

4. Partying-Focused: “Wanna hear another joke? Let’s PARTY!!”

Remember: Humans crave to be around people who seem similar to themselves. So, with a results-focused person, act fast-paced and results-focused. To impress a detail-focused person, tell “how to build the clock,” not what time it is.


3rd Technique: Mirror

Mirroring proves incredibly subtle, powerful, and physical. It helps the person instinctively feel comfortable with you. How? You mirror – make yourself seem similar to – the person’s

1. Body language
2. Vocal style
3. Attire

To impress someone who sits straight, you sit straight with that person. If the person speaks slowly, then you do likewise. And dress as formally or informally as the person you want to impress.


4th Technique: Listen Attentively

This tale illustrates the importance of listening well.

A man decided to divorce his wife. His lawyer asked, “Did you love your wife?” The man replied, “I would have left her, but I was hesitant before.”

Then, the lawyer asked, “Why do you want to leave her?” The man said, “We have lots of trees around our house, but I rake up the leaves myself.”

The lawyer asked, “Is she mean?” The man answered, “ I stopped eating red meat.” Then, the lawyer inquired, “Does she do housework? Does she take out garbage?” The man responded, “We have a two-car garage.”

Finally, the man felt frustrated, because he failed to understand the point of the lawyer’s questions, so he blurted, “You’re a lawyer. Ask me useful questions about my lousy marriage?”

So, the lawyer asked, “Why do you want to divorce?” The man replied, “Because we can’t communicate!”

This story shows, in extreme fashion, that many conversations actually are two simultaneous monologues. To make a great impression, listen well using these tactics: 1. Paraphrase or repeat ideas the person said Ask questions Take notes


5th Technique: Artful Vagueness

Prospective clients, who wanted to use my consulting, told me their business problems. Using my expertise with similar problems, I gave my recommendation. They kept telling me they did not like my recommendation. But I knew my recommendation would solve their business problems. The more I said I was right and they were wrong, the more they defended their viewpoint. Suddenly, I realized I did not make them feel comfortable enough. But, I could not agree with them, since they were wrong. So, I listened again to their ideas. Then I said, “I’ve listened carefully to how you want to do this project. That’s an idea.”

At the same time, I thought to myself – but did not say it – “That’s a stupid idea.”

What did they think? They apparently interpreted “That’s an idea” as me agreeing with them, although I had not. Actually, anything anyone says is “an idea.”

This technique is called artful vagueness. You can get out of uncomfortable jams using these artfully vague phrases: “That’s an idea.” “You’ve got a point.” “You may be right.”


6th Technique: Use Everyone’s Favorite Word

Imagine a time you heard someone shout your name. I bet you spun around to see who called your name. We are drawn to people who say our names. My research comparing high-achievers and underachievers revealed high-achievers used the name of the person they spoke to one or more time in each conversation. In contrast, underachievers used the name of the person they encountered less than half the time. This means high-achievers use the name of people they talk with much more than underachievers. You can do what high-achievers do.


7th Technique: Compliments

While studying high-achievers and underachievers, I discovered an amazing difference. High-achievers gave an average of three compliments per day. However, underachievers seldom gave compliments. What an intriguing difference you can use to your advantage!

Some people say these seven charm school techniques are “selling out.” But, a French saying puts it in perspective: “A car can go as far on square wheels as it can go on round wheels. The difference is that on round wheels the ride is much smoother.” Go through your life on round wheels!

© Copyright 2005 Michael Mercer, Ph.D.

Everyone has something in their life that they would like to change. Nobody's life circumstances and environment are perfect. But what do you tend to tell yourself about these circumstances? Often it's easy to fix blame on others. Consider, however, that your feelings are not caused by your cranky boss, or the construction on the street, or your inconsiderate friend; but rather your feelings are caused by what you TELL yourself about your circumstances.



Lie #1. Expecting Quick Results. It's true, we have all seen our lives change in a heartbeat - sometimes an upturn, and sometimes a downturn. But generally success is a longer road that takes daily work to make it a reality.It will happen. Don't expect it to happen overnight, but expect it to happen. Don't give up. Powerful Results come from taking baby steps, one after another, day after day, until you reach your goal.

Lie #2. Complaining is OK. The Law of Attraction states that life reflects back to you whatever you expend. If you have a habit of complaining, you will attract more complainers to you. Or as the Bible puts it, "you reap what you sow." One of my favorite cartoons shows the character contemplating Spring, and she says, "Time to go out in the garden to see if the bulbs I didn't plant, didn't come up." Powerful Results come from planting the seeds for what you want to grow.

Lie #3. I'll Work on That Later Winners recognize that it doesn't always matter how the hole got in the boat. It matters that it gets fixed so that you can get on with the fishing. However, it DOES matter if you keep running over the same rock day after day, and you are patching the same hole over and over. It is important to find the SOURCE of the hole and stop allowing it to happen. Powerful Results come from creating a lifestyle that supports your desires.

Lie #4. Having An *Idea* Instead of a Plan Did you miss becoming a doctor, or dancer, or chef, or actor, or teacher because you were "absent" the day they were handing out those careers? Of course not. All of those careers require that a person choose to go to school, sometimes for many years; and then many more years to master their craft. If you don't purposefully choose the path to go down, something else will choose it for you. Those who don't create their future, have to endure the future they get. Powerful Results come from creating a plan and getting into action.

Lie #5. Ignoring Your Talents Thomas Leonard (www.thomasleonard.com) suggests that you "perfect or customize what you want out of life so that it fits you perfectly." This means using your natural talents in a way that works best for you, in all that you do. So often we put ourselves into a role or get so busy responding to life's daily crisis, that we end up frustrated with busy work instead of taking the time to sort out what we're good at, let our strengths help us, and then be willing to ask for help with the rest. Powerful Results come from customizing whatever you do so that it's a better fit for you.

Lie #6. Elusive Goals instead of Do-able Goals An elusive goal is "save $5 thousand for down payment for a house". There's no strategy or plan associated with that. A do-able goal is "save $100 every week for one year, beginning this week." That's a plan of action that has measurable results. Powerful Results come from specific actions that have measurable results.

Lie #7. "What I do doesn't matter" Attitude. It's easy to say to yourself that other people and circumstances prevent you from doing something. It's easy to think that they are more powerful than you are, so your puny contribution won't matter in the long run. But this attitude tends to paralyze you, and keep you out of the action of creating better circumstances. Powerful Results come from being honest with yourself, listening to yourself, then doing what needs to be done.

About the author:
Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach, believes that "Life Rewards Action". She can help you create goals, overcome procrastination, organize your time, find your true passion, and learn to love the real you. Visit www.reallifecoach.com, email Kathy@reallifecoach.com, or call 480.998.5843

When stuff happens that you habitually worry about then go to your zone and take care of business. Remember the time limit...5 minutes max. If this does not seem like enough time then you must get better at worrying in a shorter time frame! Behave yourself everywhere else.

Make sure the zone is not a place where you spend most of your time or has other people in it. Keep the kitchen and family room as cheerful as possible. The bedroom is for sleeping and other pleasant activities so no worrying is allowed there. Ditto for the office, the bathroom, the car, church meetings, movies, restaurants, etc. Pick only one place for the worry zone.

3. Use " hello to life" activities to break out of your routines that produce stress. One of my favorite people, Truman Madsen, introduced me to this one. Do something radically different that is enjoyable. For example, instead of walking/worrying do some skipping instead. It's OK to continue with the worrying but your main focus should be on the skipping. You skipped as a kid. It's time to do it again. Not only will you feel better but just think how ridiculous you'll look to other's who see you skipping in your work clothes, carrying a briefcase and talking on the phone at the same time! At the very least, it will make others feel better! They may not realize you are angry or worried. They'll simply think you are nuts.

4. Touch your nose: yes, you heard me. First, get yourself in a great state like hilarity. Get yourself laughing and goofing around feeling terrific. In this peak state of enjoyment, touch your nose. Get others in on this and make yourselves laugh more and more frequently touching your nose as you laugh, giggle, smile. This creates a neurological "anchor" where your brain associates the good feelings of laughing and goofing around with touching your nose. In the future, you may simply touch your nose to create the good feelings. If you do this a lot you may learn to enjoy your stress. Warning: touching other people on the nose when they are pissed off does not really help that much so touch your own nose only.

5. Howl and hallucinate: imagine those that you are blaming for your stress. What would they look like if you started howling at them during the stress episode? Imagine the look on their face when you howled with glee. Imagine the look on your in-laws faces when you howl in their kitchen. Imagine the look on your boss' face when you howl standing on your desk. Imagine the look on those folks waiting in line at the grocery store when you howl like a maniac. Need to spice up your romantic life? Next time you are in the midst of that romantic stuff just start howling. Your wife will think you are a stud muffin. Your husband will think you are a hotty.

6. Motivate yourself with good feelings for a change! Many people motivate themselves with bad feelings! Even worse, they frequently motivate themselves to do what they don't want or enjoy! Use pleasant voice tones to talk inside your head. Use them to talk with others also. Think of the enjoyment associated with completion of a project instead of the many steps required. Focus on the benefits of what/why you are doing the activity rather than on any unpleasantness associated with it. Also focus on how good it will feel to be done with project and on to other things you enjoy even more.

7. Eat real food that protects your body from stress. Junk food decreases your body's ability to deal with stress. It also weakens your immune system so that you are weaker and more vulnerable to injury and/or illness. Ditto for alcohol and other self defeating habits. Exercise is close to the magic bullet or fountain of youth. Make sure you get enough to make a major difference in your health/fitness levels. What is the best exercise? Something that you enjoy enough to do several times a week for a lifetime.

8. Procrastinate until you feel better. You've been told that procrastination is a bad thing. You've been told wrong! I'm here to tell you that procrastination is one of the greatest skills a person can develop. Imagine your life rapidly improving by procrastinating your usual responses like anger or discouragement. I know you want to get mad at your kids and I'm sure they deserve it, but for now, let's just procrastinate. We'll get mad at them Saturday or maybe next week. That yummy junk food is beginning to talk to you...well, since you are a procrastinator, let's just procrastinate the eating the junk until we are full from eating something healthier and don't want it. I know that sometimes you have a tough day and people are not sensitive to your needs but since you can procrastinate so well perhaps we could put off the discouragement until the Fourth of July or your maternal aunt's birthday.

9. You are special. Start acting like it. There is nobody else like you. You are truly unique. Never in the history of our planet has there been another you. There will never be another you in the eons of eternity that make up the future. Never. You are one of a kind. When God made you He was simply showing off. Now, go do great things. You deserve them and are fully capable.

10. Everybody else is special too. Start treating them that way. Everything in # 9 above applies to everyone. Yes, even the boneheads. The reason they are boneheads is that they don't know how special they are... yet. Your purpose in life could include teaching them. Remember: we did not come to this planet to fail. We came here to succeed on a massive scale doing the right thing in the right way for the right reason while having a spectacularly good time helping the others.

Web: http://www.selfchangetechnologies.com
Email: michael@selfchangetechnologies.com

1. Create and follow short/long term goals for your business.
The short goals can create early success and the long term goals
can create future success.

2. Create a good first impression. You will not be able to sell
very many products if your visitors think your web site looks
unprofessional.

3. Stop procrastinating and start finishing all your business
tasks. Do one at a time. Do not get caught up thinking that you
can never get them all done.

4. Develop a relationship with all your visitors and customers.
Tell them how much you appreciate them visiting your web site or
buying your product.

5. Hire a business coach to help improve yourself and business.
They could help increase your sales, motivate you, balance your
workload, etc.

6. Stay away from being too comfortable with your income or
life. You should always be making new goals for yourself and
developing new sales ideas.

7. Stay away from becoming a workaholic. Your mind needs time
away from your business life. This will help your brain think
clearly while working.

8. Look for different ways to prove your business and products
to your audience. You could collect testimonials, hold surveys,
do scientific tests, etc.

9. Save time and money using ad submitters. You will reach a
larger part of your target audience far more quickly than by
manually submitting your ad.

10. Try new business ideas and strategies. Do not be afraid of
changing what you're doing. You could try out technology,
advertising, marketing, etc.

1. Most people want to win over others. Tell your prospects how their family or friends will admire them if they buy your product.

2. Most people want to associate with others that have the same interests. Give your prospects a free membership in a private chat room just for them.

3. Most people want a clean environment. Tell your prospects that you'll donate a percentage of your profits to help clean the environment.

4. Most people want to eat good food. Give your customers free coupons to a nice restaurant when they purchase your product.

5. Most people need or want new information to absorb. Give your customers a free ebook or tip sheet when they purchase your product.

6. Most people want to avoid or end pain. Tell your prospects how much pain and problems they will avoid or end if they buy your product.

7. Most people want to gain pleasure. Tell your prospects how much pleasure or the benefits they will gain, if they purchase your product.

8. Most people don't want to miss out on a major opportunity that they could regret in the future. Tell your prospects you'll be raising the price shortly.

9. Most people want to have good health and live longer. Give your prospects free coupons to a fitness club when they buy your product.

10. Most people want to belong to something or a select group. Give your prospects a free member-ship into your club when they buy your product.

10 Minutes a Day to Organize Your Office

No time to organize your office? Follow these daily steps to
organize and then maintain your office.

1. On Mondays, de-clutter your office. Remove at least one item
which you don't use at least monthly. Take those personal items
off your desk. Throw away pens that don't work. Reduce your
ketchup/salt/napkin supply by 90%.

2. On Tuesdays, take inventory. Review your supplies and make a
list or place an order. Take a few minutes to look through an
office supply catalog. You'll find a myriad of useful organizing
items.

3. Think on Wednesdays. How can you make better use of your
computer? Can you develop a spreadsheet to help organize some
aspect of your job? Do you need to find and register for a
computer class? Do it today.

4. Thursday is sorting day. Go through all those business cards
and small pieces of paper which have accumulated throughout the
week. Put them where they belong. Also put away any reference
materials you've been using.

5. Have fun filing on Fridays. End your week by cleaning up all
the paper lying around your office. Purge your files. Have a
mean and clean filing system which you can actually use.

Then have a wonderful weekend.

1. Turn your ad copy into a story or article. Your visitors won't be as hesitant to read your ad and will become more interested in your product.

2. Give visitors a freebie for filling out your online survey or they usually won't. Surveys will give your business valuable intelligence for your business

3. Enhance the power of your ad copy benefits by using attention getting words, highlighting keywords, using color, bolding key phrases, underlining, etc.

4. Give your visitors tons of choices so they don't get the feeling of being controlled. Offer them a variety of ways to order, contact you, navigate, etc.

5. Put yourself in your visitors shoes. Design your site for them, not for yourself. Create your product around your visitors not because you would buy it.

6. Get free advice from successful online business owners. Participate in business chat rooms and message boards to chat with them.

7. Use your free bonuses to create an urgency for your visitors to buy. Only offer them for a limited time with your main product.

8. Offer your customers extra add-on products at the point of purchase. For example, if they are buying an electronic toy try to sell batteries with it.

9. Make your visitors feel good about themselves by giving them compliments. If they feel good they will also feel good about buying from your web site.

10. Add multiple profits to your web site. If you're selling business books try to sell business services, courses and supplies too.